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28 August 1972
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Describing myself accurately to others would be a great deal easier, if I weren’t so damned odd! I’m not anyone’s idea of a typical thirty-something. But then the majority’s idea of such is little more than a well worn cardboard stereotype anyway.

I can be very cynical, jaded, sarcastic, and even a bit bitter at times. I’ve watched the system fail. I’ve had my heart completely broken. Many of my most fervent and heartfelt prayers have gone unanswered. All but my most closely guarded dreams have been crushed. My sense of humor is very dark and leans to black comedy. And I sometimes curse in a floridly creative manner fit to embarrass dockworkers.

On the flipside of all that is a strong sense of whimsy. A childlike wonder at the simplest of things, like storms, bugs, and stretching cats. I didn’t get to act like a kid much when I WAS a kid, so I began making that up to myself as an adult. I must be on my third or fourth childhood by now. *grin* although I'm more of a responsible kid than a brat now. I still like light bright, and plushies. I loved all the Harry Potter books, watch cartoons and anime, and can often be seen barefoot in cutoffs and pigtails.

I am well read on all manner of religions and belief systems. On a personal level this has translated into a strong but relatively unstructured spirituality. I would say I’m somewhat pagan but borrow more from the east than the west. I seem to mesh well with Japanese Shinto, American-Indian shamanism, Taoism, and Hinduism. All that is heavily seasoned with the type of esoteric Christianity that most Christians like to lynch people for. I like studying and sometimes dabbling with Hermetic philosophy, sacred geometry, Kabbalism, and Gnosticism. I’ve also taken the work of Carl Jung very much to heart. Most of all, his essays on synchronicity. Flow, and my way of syncing with it are rather apparent in my life. Chaos too. I think Loki may well love me. I have quite a fondness for Thomas Moore’s theories on the power of personal myth as well.

The flipside of this one is that pretty much ALL fundamentalists, of every stripe make me shudder and wish for an M-16. My own beliefs have taken a step leftways again. Truth is in the eye of the beholder, but take care what you take your truth from. Take care in what you manifest. Hate and intolerance breed the same.

Although I’m really good with taking care of people physically and emotionally, I suck with the financially aspect. I have rather serious stress and anxiety issues, that paired with the fact that I can’t drive (legally blind) makes me kind of useless with holding down a job for any length of time or pulling my share of the weight when it comes to bills. I’m not proud of it, or even content but I’ve been trying to change that about myself for the better part of 17 years now. I had only small limited victories with that battle, until I made being a caregiver my job. I've been a live in nanny for seven years now and have never felt more fulfilled and at peace. It’s weird I just shatter under work related pressure, but I can handle more household and interpersonal tension/angst than a trained therapist. This has been a breaking block with some of the people I’ve loved. If you think people who can’t hold down a 9 to 5 are wastes of air, or judge a persons worth by the size of their bank account… You won't like me. I probably wouldn't like you either. I found peace by finding a niche that allows me to work hard without selling out. If I could do that, anyone can.

I’m most comfortable around my fellow freaks, nerds, and outcasts. This has helped contribute to my becoming something of a subculture tourist. Name any offbeat group of people and I’ve likely not only been there, done that, but was given the special glo-in-the-dark limited edition t-shirt.


anarchist, anarchy, angels, beer, cartoons (incl. all anime), cats, charles de lint, christmas lights, epiphanies, flannel sheets, foxes, gnosis, gnosticism, goth, infj, jung, manic panic, nag hammadi, personal myth, plushies, pocky(all flavors), poetry, purple glittery lava lamps, purple pens, sip, small fuzzy cute things, soul alchemy, storm constantine, syzygy, thunderstorms, urban fantasy, used bookstores, voltaire, writing.